


I can make you whole again

by creativwritingmind



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Comforting, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:03:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9478739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativwritingmind/pseuds/creativwritingmind
Summary: This turned out to be longer then I planned so I extracted it from my series "Two" to be a "stand alone Story"Tyler knew that something was off the moment his best friend walked through the door. He didn't even had to wait until Josh opened his mouth or faked a smile, the second he lay his eyes on him the singer knew that whatever was wrong was significantly wrong, as wrong as it could be.





	1. Shattered

Tyler knew that something was off the moment his best friend walked through the door. He didn't even had to wait until Josh opened his mouth or faked a smile, the second he lay his eyes on him the singer knew that whatever was wrong was significantly wrong, as wrong as it could be. Still he didn't ask, he knew when he had to shut up, when every question would just have made it worse, so he kept silent, accepted the half hearted hug Josh offered and pretended not to notice how the older tensed under the touch. 

They went through the first soundcheck after their christmas break like this. Whenever someone paid attention, whenever someone looked at him Josh faked one smile after the other, gave hollow jokes and silly answers, but the hapiness he tried to give off never reached his eyes. Nobody seemed to see it though, so Tyler held back further, observed the situation and said nothing. 

He still played along when the drummer locked himself in the busses back, alone into their small studio. He didn't loose a single word when he walked to his bunk to get something out of his suitcase and heared the distinctive noises of crying. Tyler did not approach his friend, when he came out hours later, to go into the venue, to get ready for their set, wipping his eyes and averting his gaze. There was no letter leaving his lips as Josh refused to get too close to anybody that might have came close enough to touch him. But when the drummer didn't take his shirt off when they performed Tyler knew that he had enough. 

Wiping his hands and neck clean with a towel he walked over to the others dressroom when they had left the stage, Josh taking off so quick he couldn't even ask him to meet him later. Tyler paid heed to knock as softly as he could, he didn't really know why, it were just his guts telling him that it was better this way. There was no answer and the door was locked. That's when he began to seriously worry. 

Three days went like this, whenever he tried to speak to the other he was greated with locked doors, a turned back, silence. The others began to pick up on it as well and soon Tyler found himself being asked what was wrong on a string and felt pretty helpless that there was nothing more to offer them as a shrug of shoulders and a mumbled "He's ok.". It eroded his nervs, wore down his soul and injured his heart, and eventually it got way too much to bear.

Desperate he called the only person left to give advise, the one he always could run to when everyone else, even his best friend retreated. And Jenna was it, who opened his eyes. Patient she listened to all he told her. Breathing slowly she asked a few questions here and there. In the end she just spoke the truth, but Tyler got upset, blamed her for even thinking of something like that and hung up. 

Of course, he knew Josh had kind of "changed allegiance" a few months before. Of course he had been aware that his friend no longer went out with nice girls or bad ass women. But to think that the drummers realisation that he might have been gay all his life had led up to the thing Jenna mentioned – Tyler could just not wrap his mind around it. 

A week ran by, and then another. Nothing changed, if he was honest to himself it even got worse. Josh stopped talking, at some point. The only interaction he had with himself or the crew were when he was forced to, when their job demanded it. His performances where flawless, got even better, but his shirt where kept on. Three weeks into the new leg of the tour Josh changed to wear long sleeves on stage. 

It was then when Tyler began to lack sleep. Night after night he lay awake, pondered if his wife hadn't had a point, but did not talk to her about it, not even when she asked. The singer became bad mooded, huffish and unfair, at least that was what Mark told him after he had yelled at a part of the crew without reason. He couldn't take it anymore. Tyler just didn't knew what to do so he did the only thing that came to his mind. 

With drive he stumbled into the drummers hotelroom for that night, found Josh lying on the floor and starring at the ceiling and started to confront him. "What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously, man, it's like I don't know you anymore? Am I so less worthy for you that you won't even give me an explanation for ignoring me? What the heck have I done wrong?" Again he crashed into a wall of silence, again his friend rose and tried to avoid the situation by walking out on him, but this time Tyler would have none of it. 

As the drummer passed him by he turned and pushed him into the wall, pinned him down there and hissed: "I swear if you leave me standing like this again our friendship is over!" Later Tyler could not tell anymore what exactly had brought the realisation that Jenna had been right. Maybe it had been the trembling that took a hold of his friend the second he violated him that way. Maybe it had been the way Josh had paniced and tried to push him back with everything he had left. But if he would have been forced to pin something Tyler would have said it was the way the older did not command him to let go but pleaded with his dear life. 

Shocked by the whimper, the terrified expression he was confronted with the singer stepped back then, holding both hands beside his head to show he was not attacking anymore and shook his head in disbelieve. Josh meanwhile could not hold up the walls he had build any longer and just broke, mentally and physically, slided down the wall and came to sit on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees, shook all over of crying. And then Tyler finally listened to his heart and not his mind, finally stopped thinking at all and switched into acting. 

With a thud his knees hit the floor as he fell beside his friend, it hurted but he didn't care. Josh did not resist this time, it seemed that all strength he had have left was blown away and so the singer pulled him in, slung his arms around him and placed his chin on his head, holding his friend close as he would have to hold on to his own dear life. "I will kill him." Tyler whispered into the coloured streaks below his lips, "I swear to god I'll kill that guy."


	2. Torn

Of course everybody was peeved when Tyler cancled the tour. Basically he hated lying, but for this special occasion he lied the hell out of him, telling everybody it was his depression hitting back...it seemed to be the only way to protect his friend then. Josh seemed still broken, shattered to pieces. They didn't talk much, mostly when Tyler told him what he had decided to do, and the drummer just approved with slight nodding or a light squeeze of his hand. 

It was a relief for Tyler when they finally sat in the plain that brought them home to Ohio. He had decided to take his friend with him, to stay as close to him as he could, because he seemed the only one Josh felt at least slightly comfortable with at the moment. Still the older cringed every time they made contact, but after the first jerk he leaned in and accepted the touch of hands. Tyler was tired and wished he could sleep during the flight, but he was too afraid to leave his friend alone with his mind. 

Jenna was not at the airport to pick them up, she had texted him that she would not even be at home when they arrived. With all the love she could give she had comforted her husband, when he called her and broke down, let all the feelings out he couldn't display around his friend right now. Calm and smart and the beautiful soul she was she had understood that he wanted to bring Josh to their home and that they might need time on their own without her there. So she had packed up and moved to her parents house for an unforseeable amount of time. With finality she handeled all the sorrowed outreaches of their families and friends about it, told him to focus on his friend and that she loved him, no matter what. Tyler cried even more after their call and prayed, truely prayed to god to never let her suffer because she was the best he had found in his whole life. 

It were silent, oppressed days. Josh avoided every conversation that tended to be more then "What do you want to eat?" and seeked lonliness for the most of the days. Tyler couldn't do other then wait and listen to the sound of endless showers, desperate sobs, angry screams. It were the nights that made him feel like he could help, when Josh hesitantly shaked him awake and crawled under his sheets when he lifted them wordless. Still the drummer couldn't accept more then their fingers interlaced in this moments, yet Tyler felt that it was the contact that anchored him and helped him to go back to sleep, for hours, sometimes only minutes until he shot up screaming again. 

To kill the time and find better solutions Tyler started to read every book, every blog, every website he could get a hold of. He learned that maybe he was not able to help his friend, not in the way he needed it, simply because he might reenact how Josh felt inside...but he couldn't understand as it had never happen to himself. That was when an idea speared in his mind. With a false name and a false identity Tyler started to reach out to the clique. He simulated to be a young man, barely 18, who had gone through the torture Josh had been in, and that he was not able to cope with it. 

It warmed his heart and made him proud to receive hundrets of enouraging messages, tweets, appeals to hang in there. But it was not was he was looking for. It took some days till he received a DM that matched what he had wanted. It was a guy down from Texas,  
45 years old, he owned a small company and had a wife and three kids, was a fan of them since about two years. Sam, as he gave his name, did not tell him everything would get better and that he was sorry. Sam told him his own story. He had been 24 when it happened to him, on a drunk night, in the back alley of a club. He told Tyler about all the struggles he had been through afterwards, and the ones he was still fighting with and then he asked if he wanted to meet up, to share and maybe, just maybe be a help to each other. 

They exchanged numbers and Sam was more then surprised to learn that the man he had talked to was in truth one of his greatest idols. Tyler did not know why, but he trusted that guy, enough to tell him the whole truth finally, the cause why he played that charade and pleaded him to help. Sam promised to try, although he made it a condition that Tyler asked Josh for permission before he flew him in. 

It was the first time since the realisation that Josh talked back to him and even stood against him a little. He was mad beyond words that Tyler had told someone what had happened, a stranger at least. But with soothing words, apollogies and finally tears as the singer confessed that he was so desperate and didn't know how to help him anymore Josh gave in and agreed to meet Sam. All of Tylers fears regarding to their fan was blown away when he arrived at his house, greeted him like he wouldn't be the star he was and smiled at Josh in a way the drummer couldn't let unanswered somehow. It was good to see his lips twitch, even if it was only for a second. 

After getting to know each other a little and making some tea Tyler retreated then into his bedroom and let the two men alone with each other. He knew that what they was going to talk about was not allotted to his ears. Again he used the opportunity to pray, this time for the soul and mind of his friend and for the one's of their fan that took so great afford to help Josh even if there was nothing he wanted in return. Tyler fell asleep over it and when he woke up the next morning Sam had been gone. 

He left so much more back then Tyler could have asked for. Still they didn't talk about it, but this time it was a better kind of silence, one in that he could nearly hear his friend think rather then drown. The breakthrough came only nights later, when Josh came to him again, he let him into the security of his bed and the drummer didn't stop on interlacing their hands but creeped closer until he could rest his head on his chest. As cautious as Tyler could he wrapped his arms around him and they both fell into the first peacefull sleep since months.


	3. Picking up the pieces

He should have said no, Tyler knew that, but he just couldn't bring himself to reject his friend like that, not after Josh had been that confident. At least the singer thought that was what the other must have found, because it took a lot of confidence to kiss your clearly straight, married best friend after what he had been through. It was not the kiss itself that haunted Tyler the following day – it was the fact that he had enjoyed it more then he should. 

They had not gone further, of course not and it hadn't even been a long contact of lips – still Tyler knew they had to talk about it when he waited in the kitchen in the morning, getting some tea ready, while his friend shuffled into the room with his gaze cast down to the ground. Eying him cautiously while Josh pulled himself on one of the stools by the counter Tyler placed a mug before him and took the place on the opposite. They both took some sips in silence, then the singer sighed and spoke up. "About yesterday..." "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was just...forget it, ok?" 

Letting his hand creep over the desk and covering the drummers shaking one Tyler forced him gently to look him in the eye. "Hey, it's ok. Don't worry about it. I just wanted to know...why? I mean...why me? Why now?" Time had no significance, so Josh took some of her to answer. "I asked Sam when he was able to...be close to someone again. It took him years and when it happened...it was one of his best friends. He had known her for years and trusted her. I just...kind of...needed to know if I'm able to...I don't know." Shaking his head and pulling his hand out of his friends Josh stood up then. "Like I've said, I'm sorry, it was a dumb idea. I'll go have a shower." 

Although he had ended the conversation like this the topic itself didn't erase from his friends mind. Tyler went to the backyard that day to mown the lawn and do other necessary works, but his thoughts were full of the idea that slowly dawned. Maybe he was actually able to help the other to get whole again, but he was not sure if the price it might have taken wasn't way to high. Josh didn't approach him that night, he stayed in his room, and the once following after too. Their days got a littlebit better, but still there were far from fine and as much improvment the drummer had made after meeting Sam as much he seemed to be stuck right then. 

It was a warm sunday afternoon when Tyler went to the park to meet his wife. They saw each other three times a week to spent some quality time far away from their families, their problems...the seperate lifes they had happen to fall into somehow. Humming slightly as his fingers combed through her long, soft hair Jenna pressed her head back into her husbands chest and turned a little so she could look up to him. In the shadow of the old tree they sat under, him leaned on the dark trunk, the lines under his eyes seemed even deeper then in the bright light of day. 

Lifting her hand and letting her fingers brush his jaw the blonde whispered with a smile. "Where are you right now?" Snaping out of his trance Tyler shook his head in surprise and was overwhelmed by his own thoughts as he just spoke out what he had been pondering about. She should have been yelling or cursing, she should have called him names, asked him if he had gone insane. But Jenna did none of it, she just pushed herself up, straddled him and let a hand slip in his neck, increasing pressure while looking him right in the eye. "Do you love him in the same way as me?" It didn't even took him a hearbeat to answer "No." and she smiled, released his head but pecked his lips. "I trust you, Tyler. Only one night, alright? Don't dissapoint me." 

The house was quiet when he came back in the evening and Tyler took some moments leaning against the front door with closed eyes to collect himself before he entered it. He had been driving around for some hours, just to make some kind of peace with himself about this. He was determined to help his friend but at the same time afraid to no end. Even with Jennas approval it still felt like he was going to cheat on her, not to mention the panic the thought of the < thing > itself terrified him. He trusted Josh, he knew the other would never hurt him...still this would take a lot from him as he had to overstep boundaries that where cemented in to his brain and soul long time ago. 

Slowly Tyler started to creep towards the guest room then and found the door leaned. Josh sat in the middle of the room on the floor, with closed eyes, breathing slowly. The singer knew this was something Sam had mentioned...trying to feel yourself, to concentrate on every part of your body, accept yourself again. Still it had ended up with Josh crying and shaking more then one time because there was always the point where the memorys came back. Tyler anounced his presence with a soft knock to the doorframe, glad that the drummers face lit up a bit as he turned and saw him.

"Hey...you're back." the older said friendly, nearly with a smile in his voice. It warmed Tylers heart but made the whole thing harder for him too...he shouldn't have felt good about this, he guessed. He should have felt nothing. With cautious steps he entered the room and wordlessly sat down beside his friend, his feet crossed, his eyes fixed on his twitching hands. "What's wrong?" Of course Josh got immediatly that something was up, something had happened and Tyler knew there was no point in lying or tackling the topic slowly. It where them, after all. They had gone through all of this together, it somehow was just logic that this was the next step to take. 

"Joshua...I need you to listen to me for a moment..like, really listen, don't say anything until I'm through, ok?" He could see the olders face immidiatly being clouded by insecurity and fear, so he was quick to interlace their hands and give him a reasuring squeeze. "I've thought about what Sam told you...about that he solved some of his problems by being physical close to his friend...and I think I get that this might be a solution. If you want...need me to get close...I will. I just might need some help...I...I've got no idea how to start this or how far we can go...how far you can go. I just...I want to help you, Josh, no matter what it takes." 

The silence lingered between them for a moment before the drummer spoke up. "I'm not sure what you are talking about, Ty." Sighing deeply the younger took all of his courage then, turned so he could look at his friend straight and declared with calm finality: "I want you to fuck me. Well...if you want that means." Looking back at him with more shock then surprise and a slightly open hanging mouth Josh tried to process what just happened then. They had exactly once talked about if he was attracted to his friend on the night he finally came out to Tyler, he had told him that there was no feelings towards him in any sexual way. 

Of course it had been a lie. Of course Josh did acnowledge that seeing his friend shirtless or soley in shorts made him hard. But for the sake of their friendship he would have never acted about. "Tyler...we can't do that. You're married. You're not...not like me." The ast words came out hesitant, small even. The younger felt that it was important to appeal strong now, sure of what he wanted, even if he was as indeifferent about this as his friend might have been. "Jenna knows. She approves. And I...don't get me wrong...I'm...scared. Like, really, really scared. But I trust you. I love you Joshua, you know that, you're like a part of me, you're my best friend and I just can't sit around watch you suffer any longer. I can make you whole again...if you just let me."


	4. Jointed

They did not brake their routine, they agreed without talking about it that it was the best to let this come to them naturally, not forced. Like any other day before Tyler prepared their evening meal while Josh set the table. They ate in comfortably silence, got the dishes done together, watched the same silly Show for the felt hundret time. It wasn't even very late when Tyler stretched and yawned, stood up and left for the bathroom. Like any other day he took a shower, brushed his teeth, thought about shaving but decided the few hairs in his face looked good and went to his room.

He didn't close the door...it wouldn't be long until it was opened again anyway. A strange tremble took hold of him as he changed into boxers and an old worn shirt, looked at himself in the mirror and got another, newer looking one. Shaking with the anticipation he sat down on his bed then, recognising the footsteps coming closer through the hallway. Josh did not immidiatly enter the room. For some minutes he just stood in the door and they looked at each other, scanning their souls for any sign of hesitation. 

Tyler knew that it demanded a subtle balance of taking the lead and let his friend be the one to make the steps, and he ran on pure instinct then. Reaching out his hand, displaying an warm smile he whispered "Come here." and took a deep breath as Josh followed his command instantly. Slowly the drummer sat down beside him, their shoulders touching, their arms leaned on their thighs, their eyes on the floor. "You don't have to do this, Ty." he stated after they had stayed like this for a while, still Josh didn't wait to wrap his fingers around the others as his friend took his hand again. "I know." Tyler was surprised by his own calmness, "But I want to." 

Sighing he let himself fall back and pulled the other with him so they lay on their backs, then rolled over and let his hand slowly creeping up the others chest. Joshs breath sped up and he tensed, a sign for his friend to stop for a second, wait for him to overcome his mind and relax again, before he kept on to wander up his body. When he reached the olders jaw Tyler gave himself a push and turned the drummers face to his, leaned in and kissed him, this time for real, with more pressure and intention then the last one had been. Josh did not respond right away, he went motionless, stiff again, but when the singer slowly let his hand slip into his neck and started to stroke the sensitiv skin there softly he started to move his own lips too, mirroring the affection. 

He was suprised though as Tyler pulled back and him on top of himself in one swift motion. "I...don't know how to..." blushing the singer fiddled for the right words, "Just take controll?" he offered finally, desperate to push this in the right direction. It was about making his friend secure with himself again, so it was necessary to hand himself over completly. Nodding wordless Josh leaned in then again to replicate what they already had done and started to let his shaky hands rubbing up and down the youngers sides. Tyler could not tell if this was calming or increasing the tremble that took a hold of him, and as he didn't know what to do with his own hands he just let them slip around the drummers neck once more and pulled him closer. 

The low noise he drew out of the olders throat with that went all through his veins and directly into his stomach to start a sparkling feeling there. That Josh began to slip his hands under his shirt just added to the sensation, but when he mirrored the action the drummer broke away and pushed himself off to lay beside him. "I...I'm sorry, Ty...I can't...I just..." words strangled by tears shooting into his eyes Josh helplessly shook his head and covered his eyes with his hands. "I'm never going to be able to...do that again." Still Tyler was caught in processing the feelings that had fired up inside of him and it took great afford for him to concentrate. 

"Take your time. We don't need to do this tonight. We can just lay here...together. It's perfectly fine." He hadn't even expected words so he was glad as actions were set. Hugging him thightly Josh burried his face in his shoulder and let go, cired all those tears he had held back or only shed when he was alone and it felt better then anything they had experienced before. One hour went, another, until the drummers breath evened out a bit and his grip got more loose again. It was then when Tyler dared to let his own hands drop deeper on the others body, slung them around the small of his back and stroke the exposed skin there lightly, obviously firing up the others feelings.. 

One slight move brought them even closer and this time it was the singer that tensed when their crotches touched, when there was friction suddenly. It was subtle and still Josh recognised and immediatly took out speed, propped himself up to watch him carefully. "We should stop." he stated, but Tyler shook his head violently. "No. Go on. Just...talk to me, ok? Tell me what...what you're going to do." Another testing gaze fell on him before Josh opened his mouth to speak. "Ok." Sliding his hand down the youngers body he stopped at the waistband of his boxers. "I'll...I'll take those off. And then I'll...jerk you, I guess?" 

It should have been awkward but it felt so right and Tyler couldn't hide his arousel the slightest anymore. Of course he was used to be touched like this by Jenna, but the way his friend did was so different, still so good. It was like he'd just sense the right angle, the right pressure and speed and after minutes the singer found himself being a panting mess. The urge to return what he was pleased with got stronger and between two moans he managed to whisper: "Can I touch you?" For a short time Josh stopped then, froze nearly but gave in finally. "Yeah. I...I trust you, Tyler." 

Somehow this words semeed to be spoken more for the drummer himself then his friend, and really, this time he didn't flinch as the younger let his hands roam, carefully avoiding too sensitiv areas. They fell into a rythm then, one they both approved, a slow, exploring one, that was only stopped when they lay naked pressed together soon. Joshs actions got more uncoordinated and Tyler wondered if he fought with himself behind his front, but learned that maybe it was the sorrow about him that caused the lack of concentration. "Ty..." Josh panted between two sloppy kisses, "I need you to relax as much as you can, ok? It...it will hurt...but...I'll try to make it as less as possible." 

Tyler knew what he was regarding too, he had avoided to think about it until then and as they had come already that far he decided to leave it that way. Whatever was about to happen was to be learned, not to be thought about, the preparations had already been done in the afternoon when he drived around. "In the nightstand...there's...you know...lube." he stuttered out, assuming that that was what the other was thinking about right then. The cold air rushed between them as Josh rolled off of him to get what he had pointed out, but soon his friend were close again, warmed his skin with his own. 

"Relax." Josh whispered against his lips as they met one more time and the singer closed his eyes, let his head fall back. It did hurt indeed, at least the first few pushs of fingers, the first stretches, the first thrusts. He whimpered a little and was thankfull for the soothing kisses he got, but after some minutes he got used to the feeling and found himself wanting more, which he sounded vocally. A hand came up to his face and cupped it, a thumb careing brushed his eyes and encouraged him to open them again. 

"Are you really, really sure of this?" Josh asked one last time, studying his features, searching for signs of doubt. "Never been more in my whole life." he gave back, not leaving his stance, starring back at his friend confidently. It was a new level of intensity after this. Tyler had not expected that this kind of contact made him feel so safe, so wanted, so cared for. He could easily tell by his friends cautious movements that Josh did all he could to not hurt him, to make this as pleasurfull as it hopefully was to himself. Closing his eyes Tyler let himself beeing drowned in the feeling, being taken to the edge with every push, every stroke, every kiss he received. 

The peak came soft, unexpected, mutual and they did not part after it for a long time. In the lingering light of the moon the just lay there, connected to each other with more then simply their bodies until the singer felt warm tears hitting his face and opened his eyes again. His friend starred down at him, crying, but smiling the first honest smile since his fall at the same time. Raising his hand and brushing the tears aside Tyler smiled utterly happy then too. Josh was going to get better. And their world would be assembled again.


End file.
